@GergelyOrosz: The way I look at it: 1. The husband had urgent demands at work 2. Communicated with his partner and decided to priorit…

The way I look at it:

1. The husband had urgent demands at work

2. Communicated with his partner and decided to prioritize work to ensure career stability (+ prob financial stability)

I interviewed one of the best devs I ever knew, who did the same when necessary:

The full article about the best dev I worked with (who usually left the office at 5pm sharp, mind you… save for when work came first and their partner took on more load)

Exactly. We’re in the middle of a rapid technology shift - I mean, we’re going from hand-writing code to not writing code (but prompting and reviewing it) in ~12 months or less.

If there’s a time to put in effort to stay relevant it’s during fast changes

Good point.

When I switched jobs, I also asked for support from my spouse in the first few months while I proved myself, and so did she.

100% agree

but this was not “forgetting” but putting work as #1 until they achieved career stability

I assume this was in the US, and I also assume this was the last warning before a PIP would follow (or the husband sensibly assumed it was) and their family prob would been hurt more w a PIP / firing later

yeah these are the things we’ll never know without the exact details!

yes but my point was if there’s clear comms and an agreement, I don’t know what any of us sneer at it. Two adults decided how they divide work and family. Good on them!